Mancathlon 2010

Full Report coming never… c/ Rico’s lazy ass…

Full report coming soon c/ Stu Beef…

Full Report Coming Soon c/ Messrs. Blight & Sutton…

Full report coming soon c/ Messrs. Judkins & Staines…

Full Report Coming Soon c/ Mr Shane Munro…

Full report coming soon c/ Mr Reg Watson…

On a Wednesday evening a group of perverted Mancatheletes headed to Ponsonby road in anticipation of a lovely lady, willing to expose all so as to make her mark on the infamous competition.

Sexy Silka awaited, and after star struck members got over the excitement of the D class celebrity, the clothes were off.

Following the initial buzz and unease, competitors fell silent, many reminiscing about the last time they had seen these plus sized bits and bobs from drunken uni days past. Time was soon established as a key factor in perfecting each sketch, and the silence and concentration of artists surpassed previous experiences, the competition was on.

Of 4 drawings each participant submitted a pencil and charcoal sketch. Various advantages were established due to experience, profession and the unlikely face draw. In the end there could be one winner, or 5 depending on interpretation, with AJ the Architect and Silka/B FM enthusiast dominating the competition, leaving others and their opinions of own drawings in his wake.

- Dave

The points:

It was back to the familiar seedy surroundings of a derelict basement car park in Eden Terrace for the much anticipated and first ever unashamedly booze fuelled Mancathlon event: The Drunkathlon A.K.A The Pissed-On Factor.

The challenge read like a manly recipe from the Edmonds Cookbook, except for maybe the cock and balls part:

Ingredients

15        dudes

180      cans of beer

1          bicycle designed for a 3 year old

10        marker cones

6          car tyres

1          limbo pole

An assortment of 4×4 timber posts and patio pavers, fashioned into a crude balance beam

Method

1. Negotiate your way down through a tight slalom course on a bicycle designed for a 3 year old.

2. Step through car tyres.

3. Walk across a balance beam with see-saw obstacle, pirouette, and return.

4. Shimmy under a limbo pole to finish.

5a. Drink a beer to celebrate your victory; or

5b. Drink a beer to commiserate your failure and get a cock and balls tagged on your forehead.

6. Repeat steps 1 – 5 until you earn 3 cock and balls.

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The initial rounds went by incident-free with the exception of Leighton’s notable difficulty in manoeuvring his lanky frame beneath the limbo pole. A nervous energy emanated from the Mancathlete’s as the crowd began to lust blood, demanding that the course be made more difficult by adding rotations to the pirouette and tightening the slalom course. They didn’t have to wait long. With a shock misstep off the ropey looking balance beam, Conrad was the first to earn a graphic phallus on his prodigious forehead early in Round 3. Others soon followed as inebriation set in with the familiar retardation of motor skills.  A notable example was Brydon’s hands-free face grind into the tyres.

Beer selection turned out to be a key factor. Those who had swaggered into the arena 2 hours earlier carrying a dirty dozen of full flavoured VB had all fallen by the wayside and were each sporting three proud phallic symbols across their foreheads to telegraph their failure to master the once simple course. Demoted to the role of a spectator, they watched on at the shameless that had chosen the insipid Export Gold as their poison to fight out the points with the few remaining hairy-chested Double Brown drinkers.

Again the crowd bayed for blood and the controversial shotgun clause was introduced. With an accelerant added to the flame, an inferno of carnage ensued. In the final round not one of the remaining competitors were able to reach the end of the slalom course and from the ashes two unlikely debutants emerged 1st and 2nd: Allen and Kyle.

In the end everyone had been spanked by the course and it was wall to wall cock’n’balls beneath drunken grins.

- Stu

SCORES FOR DRUNKATHLON:

1st: Allen (5 Points)

2nd: Kyle (4 Points)

3rd: Tom (3 Points

4th: AJ (2 Points)

5th: Titties Turner – Foreign Celebrity Guest Appearance (no points awarded)

6th: Reg (1 point)

7th – 15th in no particular order: Leighton/Brydon/Conrad/Stu/Gary/Dunc/Matt/Dave/Gav (Did I miss anyone?)

The results (overall)

1st – Gav

2nd – AJ

3rd – Kyle

4th –Tom Bus

5th – Stu Beef

The results (Individual)

Basketball – Reg

Rugby Kicks – Stu Beef

Football shoot outs – Tom bus

Biggest surprise

AJ’s second place. Although a well renowned contender and manly man this was not meant to be his event. Life art – yes, drunkcathalone – maybe, but ball skills? This result just goes to show that you can’t judge a book by its cover or a somewhat bi-curious looking gentleman by his trendy shoes.

Second Biggest Surprise

Gav’s pace. 11 second 100 meter’s. Impressive.

Biggest tin arse

Reg. Five point shot from half way to take out the B Ball. Jammy c*nt.

Number of students finger banged

Officially none although we did lose sight of Parkie for a little while. Less said the better.

- Matt Fell